


Choosing My Confessions

by bluebells



Series: Door Number Three [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Jimmy is Lucifer's true vessel, Angelcest, M/M, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 11:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebells/pseuds/bluebells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two angels: one vessel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choosing My Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://users.livejournal.com/_bluebells/33560.html#cutid1), this is dedicated to the revolution and its flagbearer, [](http://pogozebra.livejournal.com/profile)[**pogozebra**](http://pogozebra.livejournal.com/), who posed this pairing to me in the first place and fixed this story's most glaring hole when I couldn't see straight anymore.

"Let me through, Castiel," Lucifer says.

Castiel's response is instinctive and easy, though from where Jimmy's nestled beneath the angel's protective consciousness he still feels the anxious flutter in his grace.

"No."

The sensation is almost like being tickled.

He feels Castiel inwardly frown at him, chastising and confused, because he firmly disbelieves there's any mirth in being physically intimidated by the Devil.

The Devil, who is standing in Castiel's space, hands in his pockets and eyes narrowing at Castiel's unwavering piety.

For his own, selfish reasons, Jimmy sort of wishes Castiel would waver as well, but Castiel has the unique perspective of knowing every innermost impulse that flits through Jimmy’s mind and the curl of arousal is stamped down as swiftly as a hand snatching back his wrist.

"I don’t have to be kind, Castiel," Lucifer searches Castiel's face like he's seeking the angel's common sense or self-preservation, "but Jimmy wants kindness."

And they've heard that thread of warning in his voice before, low and heavy.

It shouldn't have the effect on Jimmy that it does, but he's heard it so many times before being pressed down into the bed or against the tacky, seventies prints of motel walls in ways he didn't know he needed. Languid and heavy or clawing and quick, Lucifer's desire to possess is in every impression of his fingers on Jimmy's thighs and the open-mouthed kisses he lays anywhere he can reach bare skin.

Jimmy's not surprised by Lucifer's ability to almost consume them -- and he knows it's not only him. Although Castiel’s been the faint voice of reason in the din of sensation, Jimmy's heard the keen in the back of his awareness, the guilty quiet from Castiel when Lucifer's pulled Jimmy against his side in the aftermath.

Jimmy's noticed the angel's reaction to the proximity of Lucifer's grace: suspicious, but curious and yearning because Lucifer is _old Heaven_ and Castiel's finding it hard to resist. Jimmy knows there are things the angel wants to ask about that time and never will because Lucifer isn't a thing to be revered. Castiel's shame cuts quick and deep each time he realises what he's doing.

The angel's resolve is stronger when Lucifer’s not around. He tells Jimmy that he’s a fool and Lucifer is the 'King of Lies'. As soon as Lucifer’s caught them in his sights again, Castiel almost seems afraid to speak for both their sakes.

He wasn’t that way the first time.

Jimmy could shut him out, close Castiel's eyes to the way he fits in Lucifer's arms, but he wants Castiel to understand this, too. He wants to know he's not the only one wrecked by being worshipped so completely. And he wants his angel -- his first angel -- to tell him that it's all right.

He doesn't want to feel guilty about this, but it's hard to get away from the fact that Lucifer is the Devil who believes Jimmy is his true vessel. Lucifer's been very clear about his intentions from the beginning: to own Jimmy completely, forever, and remake the Earth with his hands.

It’s a lot.

Jimmy was Castiel's home for months before Lucifer leaned against the Impala's passenger side door and introduced himself, but now Jimmy's dangerously close to making a damning decision for all the wrong reasons.

_He feeds your pride. This is a sin, Jimmy._

Castiel: Jimmy's final stand.

_“What happens if I say ‘no’?” Jimmy had asked Castiel after their first run in with the Devil._

_“Don’t say ‘no’.”_

_Jimmy flinches in surprise, because Castiel had been trying to avoid this from the beginning and now he was –_

_“Don’t say yes, either,” Castiel says._

_And how the hell was he going to do that? He had a feeling the Devil was going to demand an answer in black and white._

_“I’ll think of something.”_

So, while Castiel mulled a way out of their predicament, Jimmy considered ways to stall.

They had taken shelter (hid, Jimmy argued) at Bobby’s, pouring over thick, ageing books with Sam and their host while Dean reeled from the news behind a wall of beer. Jimmy wished he could drink, too.

But Castiel had questions for people and items to collect on his hunches.

Jimmy was surprised when Castiel declared he was going to take a new host to do these things, especially after their agreement.

He was important now. He didn’t like being important

He's been Castiel's vessel for close to a year now, through the cold, blood and lightning and he wouldn't wish it on anyone else; they have an agreement. Jimmy is his vessel, but once they learned he was truly Lucifer’s, Jimmy also learned that Castiel was viciously protective.

There had been a few interrogations with low-lying demons or ambitious witches. Castiel had pushed Jimmy under, too deep for awareness and when he resurfaced, Castiel was washing bloody ash from his hands.

Jimmy doesn’t know how fruitful Castiel’s searches for a defense have been because their mental sharing is more like a one-way street. Jimmy hears only what Castiel wants to tell him, but the angel knows every thought, hope and curse that has ever crossed Jimmy’s mind.

It’s unfair.

But then there's the flutter against Jimmy’s mind and he stutters, because the thought that Castiel is _afraid_ for him makes his chest tight.

"He's not fit to speak to you," Castiel says, gravelly and even.

"Why don't I be the judge of that?"

Lucifer's hand is a whisper from his skin and Castiel blurts, "Please do not harm him."

The hand hovers and Lucifer blinks with muted surprise. His mouth pulls into a slow smile. "Castiel."

A cool palm settles beneath his ear on his neck, fingers curling affectionately into the hair at his nape. His thumb strokes the short sideburns and Jimmy's expecting the flare or awareness like the familiar blast of fresh air in his face, that moment when Lucifer pushes Castiel beneath the surface so he can nuzzle the vessel beneath. Jimmy knows Castiel's expecting it, too, so it's a wary surprise when Lucifer leans in and Castiel is still there.

"You know I would never hurt him," Lucifer murmurs and kisses the angel.

It’s firm, but gentle and it lasts long enough for Jimmy to feel the moment something in Castiel fractures and he hears his body's sharp inhale a moment before the air rushes in his ears, Castiel descends like a hot stream down his back and then Lucifer's smiling against his mouth.

"Hello, Jimmy," Lucifer says.

"Hey," Jimmy blinks at him and wonders when Lucifer started speaking to him in that warm, secret tone of voice.

It’s only been three weeks since Lucifer introduced himself.

It’s the fifth time Lucifer’s cornered them, which really makes Jimmy wonder about Castiel.

Because for all his preaching and practice, it’s almost as though Castiel wants them to be caught. Castiel is not stupid, he’s just stubborn. He wouldn’t let the Winchesters sideline him and, so far, there was only one person Jimmy saw who could.

Lucifer leans in again and, without thinking, Jimmy presses him back with both hands on his chest.

"I could really go for a burger right now," He says, and clarifies quickly at Lucifer's pinched frown of doubt, "Double beef burger with extra onion on the side? Why don't we do that? I know a place."

Although Lucifer considers him for a moment longer than Jimmy finds comfortable, he knows Lucifer wouldn't say 'no'.... He hopes Lucifer wouldn't because he really doesn't want to be wrong about this angel -- Devil -- and something in the twinge of Castiel's grace makes it suddenly important to see Lucifer by the light of day.

Among other people.

“What’s really on your mind, Jimmy?” Lucifer folds his arms over his chest and tilts his head.

Jimmy doesn’t want to be burned away, scoured out of his own body like some infection, but they haven’t really discussed that significant detail. He doesn’t think he’d be able to broach the subject without witnesses to make sure Lucifer didn’t do anything bloody and demonstrative.

But it doesn’t look like he’s going to get that chance. “I – I just… what happens to me?”

Lucifer’s frown is soft, puzzled.

Jimmy gestures helplessly. “What happens to me if I agree and I let you….?”

“If you let me in?” Lucifer asks, quietly.

Instead of burning cities and flooded valleys, Jimmy's mind flashes two motels back to teeth and kisses on his chest as Lucifer moved like a slow, delicious burn between his thighs. The sheets had been too thin, the room chill and Lucifer was a confusing mess of hot-cold against his skin. It made Jimmy fucking delirious.

He's not sure why Lucifer didn't coax the right 'yes' from him that night. It wouldn't have been difficult by the end.

He's so going to hell.

There's an almost-sympathetic motion from Castiel and he imagines it like a hand running back through his hair. It surprises him, because Castiel is not the tactile kind.

“Why don’t you say ‘yes’ and find out?” Lucifer's looking at him the same way he does when Jimmy disentangles himself and Lucifer kisses him back into the pillows. It's grace and it's comforting and that’s wrong, but it’s the Devil: _of course_ he’s good at this.

 _Many people will die, Jimmy,_ Castiel says and it’s like a short-circuit, but Lucifer is hovering in his space and murmuring his name because Jimmy still hasn’t answered.

Jimmy doesn’t even know what would happen to Castiel.

Castiel could probably make a run for it, but something makes him think that’s not going to happen.

 _It’s okay,_ He tells Castiel and before the thought’s even complete he feels that immaterial grip pulling him back. _If this goes South, I want you to run._

 _I cannot ‘run’,_ Castiel says, stubbornly, and Jimmy thinks he’s refuting it in the literal sense, but he feels the non-physical grip tighten like pressure behind his eyes.

 _Fly, whatever it is you do,_ Jimmy says, _Fly home._

The pointed silence feels akin to “don’t tell me what to do” and Jimmy understands. He’s pathetically grateful for it.

“Castiel stays,” Jimmy says.

Lucifer frowns and he clearly expects Jimmy to explain himself. “What?”

Jimmy swallows nervously because Lucifer has become as still as stone. “I already gave him my word: I’m his vessel.”

“You’re _mine_ , Jimmy.”

“He was first.” Jimmy's throat is tight. He must be crazy, trying to argue with the Devil -- who is glowering at him and the air feels suddenly heavier; electrified.

 _Shit._ He's never seen that look on Lucifer's face before.

“You were mine before you were even conceived.”

 _Jimmy,_ Castiel warns and Jimmy pushes him back.

The thick silence extends like an accusing glare until Jimmy accepts there are some things the Devil probably knows that are beyond his means to argue.

“Please give me a simple yes or no answer,” Jimmy begs and it could be the way he says ‘please’, but something softens in Lucifer and he becomes real again, something almost organic; almost human.

“I will.” _For you,_ Lucifer’s tone suggests.

“You know who you are,” Jimmy says. _The Devil._

“Yes.”

“And you know what you’re asking me to do?”

“Yes.”

“… Are people going to die?”

“Yes.”

Jimmy flinches, he feels his mouth twist around the sob because it shouldn’t be so goddamned easy for Lucifer to tell him that. Maybe a little consideration’s too much to ask, but he’d never expected to be the downfall of the human race.

“This isn’t a punishment, Jimmy. There’s a chokehold on this planet. If you say ‘yes’, we’ll have a chance to ensure it has a future.”

“Why do you care?” Jimmy sounds so miserable to his own ears.

There’s a flash of real hurt in Lucifer’s face, but he schools it well into a tight scowl. “If you saw it in the beginning, you wouldn’t ask me that.”

“You can’t go back,” Jimmy says and he just hopes Lucifer’s open to reason.

“I’m the reason you humans will have a chance,” Lucifer says, like he already regrets it. Like it’s more than most – if not all – of them deserve. That sounds more like the Devil he read and was warned about.

Jimmy snorts, it barely sounds like a laugh. “But not all of us, right?”

He can’t believe that, if he’s the lynch pin… if he’s the key to the apocalypse on Earth, God could let him exist. If God wanted everyone to live, he would have ended Jimmy’s life before it began. If God –

 _This is blasphemy, Jimmy,_ Castiel growls, but the protest isn’t as strong as it should be and Jimmy heard enough of his confession to Dean on that park bench to know why.

“Am I going to die? Would I still be… me?”

“It’s your choice,” Lucifer says and Jimmy was not expecting such a simple answer. “You could be my witness, but my road would change you.”

He feels Castiel like arms against his own and he knows he can’t leave the angel alone. “I’ll stay.”

Lucifer’s gaze drops with a smile.

“What about… my wife?” Thinking of Amelia almost makes it catch in his throat when he considers the last three weeks of his life. “My daughter?”

Lucifer considers his words too carefully for too long and Jimmy's stomach drops out. “It'll get worse before it gets better,” Lucifer says, and he actually sounds sorry about it.

 _Their souls are spoken for_ , Castiel says. Jimmy wonders how he knows. _They reach Paradise._

No preferential treatment, even for the true vessel’s family.

"That's not good enough," Jimmy's throat is dry and tight. He hopes Lucifer doesn't notice the way he almost chokes on his own words.

Lucifer's face is dark. "Nobody --"

"No," Jimmy says, softly. "My family live."

Jimmy hopes that the way Lucifer is staring at him means he's considering it.

Outside in the night, a bird calls out to morning. Lucifer looks towards the window at the sound. He looks like any other human in profile. Any other human with parents and a family who warn him to drive safely home to them. Jimmy swallows the lump in his throat and blinks through the hot sting behind his eyes.

Lucifer huffs a small breath, but doesn't look at him. “They're lucky.” Lucifer doesn’t sound jealous, his voice sounds strained, like it could crack if he said too much, “I remember Heaven.”

And it’s really hard to argue, but Lucifer makes it sound like he’s doing them a favour against all his good judgment and wishes. Like this isn’t an ending, but the start of a new beginning.

But nobody wants to die.

“Castiel stays,” Jimmy says again, quietly.

 _Jimmy, you can't hold us both,_ Castiel urgently protests. _No one has ever--_

 _Otherwise, he’ll kill you, you stubborn idiot,_ Jimmy says, because if Castiel's right and this does kill him....

Well.

“Jimmy,” Lucifer’s hands knead the muscles of his shoulders as he leans in, pressing his forehead to the man’s. “You won’t ever be alone.”

“You won't burn him out,” Jimmy’s plea is barely a whisper, “Promise me.”

Lucifer pulls back with a heavy sigh, but his hands don’t move from Jimmy’s shoulders. He studies his vessel's face, but Jimmy's staring at the missing button of Lucifer's shirt just above his waistbelt.

“Two angels: one vessel.” Lucifer’s hand sifts through his hair, palm sliding down his ear and he’s already apologising. “It can’t be done." 

Jimmy scowls at the echo of Castiel’s words because if he needs to aim low to keep them both, he’ll do it. “Are you only saying that because it’s never been done before?”

He sees the moment Lucifer’s gaze sharpens, feels the fingers curl gently in his hair at the unexpected challenge Jimmy’s thrown in front of him.

For the first time, Jimmy’s betting and hoping for the truth in all those legends, because no matter the text there was unanimous agreement on one aspect of the fallen angel: his indomitable pride.

Lucifer’s laughing.

It’s more of a chuckle, actually, but it’s surprised and delighted and it brightens up his whole face. There’s an involuntary tug in the grip on his shoulders, holding the back of his neck and Jimmy knows Lucifer wants to kiss him.

“Smart, Jimmy. I knew I liked you,” Lucifer smiles and Jimmy wants to smile back, but he can't manage it yet.

Lucifer's blue eyes are intent. Jimmy wonders if he’s searching for Castiel in his face. “I _am_ the ground breaker in my family. I don't know what will happen, but if this is your condition, then I can't refuse to try." Lucifer's eyes darken and his smile is sharp, "I love not knowing."

Jimmy catches the hand stroking his jaw and actually holds on when Lucifer’s fingers curl through his. "One more thing."

Lucifer looks amused, but he’s too curious to say ‘no’ outright.

“The Winchesters….”

Lucifer’s face shuts down and Jimmy knows he has to be quick because this is for Castiel and the men who tried to protect Jimmy from evil. But mostly, it’s for Castiel.

“… And Bobby Singer; they live.”

“You’re pushing it,” Lucifer says, but Jimmy notices he doesn’t say ‘no’.

He’ll take it, but, this is the Devil and he needs to hear his oath aloud. “Promise me.”

_Jimmy...._

Lucifer presses their entwined hands over his heart. “I will never lie to you".

Jimmy waits.

"I swear I will not pursue your family and friends. I swear I'll spare Castiel, if I can."

“I know you can,” Jimmy says and believes it.

Lucifer watches him carefully, like he knows there’s a catch and he’s considering whether or not to share it with him. But there’s always a catch with the Devil and Jimmy didn’t miss the way he phrased his commitment, but Castiel is blazing like a pillar of holy fire in his mind and he trusts that.

He has to trust it.

Lucifer tells him to sit and Jimmy sinks down on the edge of the bed.

He closes his eyes when Lucifer leans their foreheads together. He’s shaking, but Lucifer’s hands are steady and his thumbs stroke the sides of Jimmy's face until his breaths even and he can exhale without a shudder.

“Jimmy? Can I--?”

“Yes.”

Lucifer laughs and kisses him. The kiss lingers and feels like thanks.

Unfamiliar words are breathed against his lips. Jimmy’s hands tighten in the bedspread when the ground begins to shake. There’s a brilliant light growing behind his eyelids and his chest painfully shudders under the weight from some unseen bass thrum.

He catches the sharp scent of winter and ash before it hits him.

He arches against the bed as Lucifer pours into him, lightning, chaos, and cold, rushing into every cell, every thought, every memory, and he just keeps spilling in. From the breath when it begins, it seems impossible that Lucifer will fit. Jimmy feels Castiel thrust himself back against the walls of Jimmy’s mind to avoid being incinerated on contact, but he clutches the essence of Jimmy behind him.

There's no pause, no apology and Lucifer rushes in like a single, endless tide filling every last corner and space until Jimmy’s sure he’s going to split and burn. It’s like drowning within a supernova and he can’t breathe.

Just when he’s certain he’s going to die, the maelstrom pulls back, rolling into itself and there’s a burning ache in the spaces it leaves behind, stretched beyond their limit. Castiel spills back into those spaces and Jimmy finally curls into himself on the bed, groaning, but it’ll be days before he can open his eyes of his own volition.

There are three of them now and he’s still reeling on the inside, too stunned to understand there’s grace smoothing over his soul, that Lucifer is holding him in the circle of his arms and that flare of surprise against his temple is a kiss.

So, he lets his head roll back, lets Lucifer hold him and doesn’t see his small smile when he reaches for Castiel, hunched by their vessel’s nightmares.

“Come here.”


End file.
